It is that wonderful season again. A time to gather with family to honor the blessings we have in our life each day. We honor the harvest and family in a rich sharing of color smells and flavors. In each of our lives we 'work the land' and have bounty from our efforts. What a blessing it is to stop for a time to honor all that we have with ones we love.
It is the way of life to have a season for all things, a cycle of birth, growth, harvest and passing on. The seasons of the human heart are not so simple as the seasons on our beautiful earth. They overlap, with moments in a single day of bright flowering joy followed by wintery moments of saying goodbye, and then returns to 'planting the field' with seeds of growth all before night fall. So during this time for reflection on gratitude, know that their may be people who have heavy hearts at your table. For many who are in pain the act of joining a group for this celebration of joy takes deep courage and strength. Taking time to honor all we have in the company of family can make 'empty seats' of love ones passed more noticeable. So I am offering a brief post with information from my experience with infant loss, in the hopes of supporting openness and authentic love being shared this holiday season between those who have experienced a loss and their beloved community/family. These ideas apply to other losses as well as infant loss. In a world of seasons, we all have our losses. I honor the tender hearts in us all.
Grief and gratitude:
Grief is not a lack of gratitude. Grief is not a negative attitude.
It is the body, heart, mind and spirit cleaning a wound which will heal little by little. Parents who have lost a baby or child are some of the most grateful people I know, and have some of the most painful moments I have even seen people experience. The healing process gets better with time, support and when there is witness to the love and bond we STILL have with our angel children.
"Moving on':
As an angel parent I hold the great honor, blessing and healing of Siddha's gift to us being our son, and the grief of being human: physically- having been bonded to his physical form; neurological- wired to have protected him at all cost; emotionally- deeply attached to his physical presents; and mentally- having had many months of believing our baby would grow with us the rest of our lives. Their is no way to 'get over it'. Our humanity is not a problem. There is no right 'time to move on'. If we live we are 'moving on' with unspeakable love and gratitude. You cant love a baby and loose it without knowing unspeakable love and gratitude.
The JOY of parenting an angel:
My son visits me regularly is a part of my life each day. Not as the baby he was. For 18 months he has been in the angelic realms and visits me a tiny bright birds sitting on my car mirrors, hummingbirds chirping out side my window when I first wake each days beckoning me into my day with joy, as feathers felt in my path. I feel his joy at how boundless and free he is, untethered from the physical. He is one of the most loving, cherished and vocal angels by my side each day. I don't seek him out so much as he demands my attention. In fact once he, as i put it, 'highjacked a hummingbird' and had it sit still in one spot for a full 20 mins above me as i tended his memorial garden shortly after his first birthday. After worrying that the bird was ill, or hurt (since hummingbirds rarely atop in one place for longer than a minute) I FINALLY caught on and said 'Oh are you Siddha trying to say hi and show me how happy you are?" and at that moment the hummingbird flew away. I feel great joy and connection when I share stories of my son. So don't be afraid to ask.
Parental Loves Transcendent Presence-
The bond a mother and father feels during pregnancy and in the first days leaves a massive mark of love and wonder in their lives. These memories are a part of who each parent is at a fundamental level, whether the child lives one hour, one day, one year, one decade or one century. I think about my 12 year old daughter constantly and people ask about her everywhere I go. I think about my son nearly as much and each time I speak about him I heal a bit, have less grief, and have more access of the love and joy of his presence. There is no amount of time that will go by for any parent that will make a missing, absent or angel child ever be less a part of the heart of a parent, less frequently remembered with love.
May this holiday season be filled with love and connections with all you love. Thank you for considering how you connect with those who have had a pregnancy/infant loss and honoring their whole experience during this joyful and sometimes difficult time. For all those who welcome me, my whole self, my whole life with all my seasons. You are a treasure to me.
It is the way of life to have a season for all things, a cycle of birth, growth, harvest and passing on. The seasons of the human heart are not so simple as the seasons on our beautiful earth. They overlap, with moments in a single day of bright flowering joy followed by wintery moments of saying goodbye, and then returns to 'planting the field' with seeds of growth all before night fall. So during this time for reflection on gratitude, know that their may be people who have heavy hearts at your table. For many who are in pain the act of joining a group for this celebration of joy takes deep courage and strength. Taking time to honor all we have in the company of family can make 'empty seats' of love ones passed more noticeable. So I am offering a brief post with information from my experience with infant loss, in the hopes of supporting openness and authentic love being shared this holiday season between those who have experienced a loss and their beloved community/family. These ideas apply to other losses as well as infant loss. In a world of seasons, we all have our losses. I honor the tender hearts in us all.
Grief and gratitude:
Grief is not a lack of gratitude. Grief is not a negative attitude.
It is the body, heart, mind and spirit cleaning a wound which will heal little by little. Parents who have lost a baby or child are some of the most grateful people I know, and have some of the most painful moments I have even seen people experience. The healing process gets better with time, support and when there is witness to the love and bond we STILL have with our angel children.
"Moving on':
As an angel parent I hold the great honor, blessing and healing of Siddha's gift to us being our son, and the grief of being human: physically- having been bonded to his physical form; neurological- wired to have protected him at all cost; emotionally- deeply attached to his physical presents; and mentally- having had many months of believing our baby would grow with us the rest of our lives. Their is no way to 'get over it'. Our humanity is not a problem. There is no right 'time to move on'. If we live we are 'moving on' with unspeakable love and gratitude. You cant love a baby and loose it without knowing unspeakable love and gratitude.
The JOY of parenting an angel:
My son visits me regularly is a part of my life each day. Not as the baby he was. For 18 months he has been in the angelic realms and visits me a tiny bright birds sitting on my car mirrors, hummingbirds chirping out side my window when I first wake each days beckoning me into my day with joy, as feathers felt in my path. I feel his joy at how boundless and free he is, untethered from the physical. He is one of the most loving, cherished and vocal angels by my side each day. I don't seek him out so much as he demands my attention. In fact once he, as i put it, 'highjacked a hummingbird' and had it sit still in one spot for a full 20 mins above me as i tended his memorial garden shortly after his first birthday. After worrying that the bird was ill, or hurt (since hummingbirds rarely atop in one place for longer than a minute) I FINALLY caught on and said 'Oh are you Siddha trying to say hi and show me how happy you are?" and at that moment the hummingbird flew away. I feel great joy and connection when I share stories of my son. So don't be afraid to ask.
Parental Loves Transcendent Presence-
The bond a mother and father feels during pregnancy and in the first days leaves a massive mark of love and wonder in their lives. These memories are a part of who each parent is at a fundamental level, whether the child lives one hour, one day, one year, one decade or one century. I think about my 12 year old daughter constantly and people ask about her everywhere I go. I think about my son nearly as much and each time I speak about him I heal a bit, have less grief, and have more access of the love and joy of his presence. There is no amount of time that will go by for any parent that will make a missing, absent or angel child ever be less a part of the heart of a parent, less frequently remembered with love.
May this holiday season be filled with love and connections with all you love. Thank you for considering how you connect with those who have had a pregnancy/infant loss and honoring their whole experience during this joyful and sometimes difficult time. For all those who welcome me, my whole self, my whole life with all my seasons. You are a treasure to me.
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